All Aboard the Negativity Train!

So as you can see, I go by the name Tenacious Dreamer. It’s unlikely that any of my (few) followers have wondered why I chose this name, but I’ll tell you anyway. It is because I live primarily in my head, a trait I once took pride in; an ideas man. I build collections of elaborate ideas and plans within my mind, dwell on them, consider every aspect of them and move onto building the next big vision without ever attempting to bring my dream to fruition. This has always been the case to some degree, as with all people, but I feel the issue has worsened of late.

After far too many ideas not seeing the light of reality, I decided I would have to learn the required skills to execute these ideas. I’ve been in this stage for roughly a year and guess what? Still nothing. Chemistry, physics, web development, writing, yoga, this blog, non-profit organisations, game development, fitness regimes, meditation, electronics, you name it, I tried it. My interest is piqued for a few days, a week at best, until the marvellous idea that required this skill receives thought no more. To top it off, my memory is terrible so the very little that I do learn fades very quickly (this generally happens with lack of repetition.)

I find it a truly terrible cycle to break. It’s as if my brain has been conditioned my whole life to take the path of least resistance, so regardless of what I try to do I simply can’t persist; pure laziness. I used to justify my failures and make excuses, now I simply accept that I am built to fail in all my endeavors, or at least any that demand extended effort. The longer it goes on, the more difficult the simplest of goals seems.

I’ve read all the self-help articles that produce a quick burst of motivation quickly fizzling into nothing. It gets the endorphins pumping momentarily, as if reading about breaking laziness is actually translating into progress. Of course, you can only read so much self-help bullshit before you are numb to it, numb to any lurking motivations, numb to the world. It has reached the point where I don’t even know what I would pursue even if I did have the ability. Everything seems so utterly uninteresting and pointless.  So what is one supposed to do? Pursue something that doesn’t interest them and simply push through it, and for what? Perhaps the interest will be renewed once begun, perhaps…

Is it possible I’ve developed some form of mental illness? Symptoms include laziness, negativity, and joylessness: depression perhaps?  I’d be lying if I said suicidal thoughts hadn’t crossed my mind of late, not strong enough to warrant the execution of the task (sound familiar?), but still a position I never thought I would be in, and all self-inflicted. Let’s assume for the moment this is depression, so what ailment did I suffer from when I was happy but unable to achieve anything, before the negativity creeped in?

I consider myself quite logical in most regards, I know the drill here:  focus on gratitude, focus on that which makes you happy, don’t be so hard on yourself, exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, disengage in negative self-talk, etc. Great, a whole new list of goals I won’t be able to achieve either! The nature of the problem seems to prevent the execution of the solution. Okay, okay, new strategy: harden the fuck up, stop complaining, and do something about it. This mentality will produce results, but for how long I wonder. What happens tomorrow when I’m incapable of taking on that perspective?

This blog post was originally going to be a commitment to deciding and achieving my goals, posting them publicly, using the old accountability trick: be held accountable to someone for fulfilling (or not fulfilling) the goals. However, after examining my current mindset through the writing of this blog, I see how futile such a technique would be; the last thing I want to do is add another failure to the long list.

Believe it or not, there is a silver lining to all this: I actually wrote a blog post! The secondary lining is that if I ever manage to solve this issue, I could write a book on the super-effective technique that pulled me from rock-bottom to success, though I fear nothing short of a miracle will do that. I want to wrap up by saying sorry for bringing negativity to your day, dear reader. Perhaps someday I will be writing uplifting and helpful posts, like one of those lame self-help authors (no offense!)


The Dark Side of the Moon (My first writing attempt)

Everyone is dressed immaculately this evening; the night is progressing with no sign of pause. I scan the room, taking it all in: beautiful women in beautiful dresses drinking fine wine, handsome men standing in handsome groups drinking fine whisky. The ornate ceiling looms far above, boasting intricately carved patterns with chandeliers throwing a heavenly glow over the scene. Here I am a solitary onlooker with no patience for mindless luxury and hollow connection.

Time passes, always. I find myself walking into the depths of the night. The beautiful people in the beautiful mansion, now just an orange glow through the forest.

Walking… to the edge of society… the edge of my mind… the edge of insanity… now the edge of the cliff. Who am I? The question I’ve been trying to answer my whole life through big dreams and no action. Here I am the result of broken commitments, broken promises, and a broken mind. He who believes he is better than them, with nothing to show. The monotony of life reflected through the rhythmic crashing of the waves far below. Staring out over the cliff I see nothing, like a lonely lighthouse projecting its presence to a void.

I can’t get out of my head. I can’t get out of this dark cloud: an old adversary come to visit yet again. You win. Perhaps the feeling of weightlessness on my trajectory to the wave swept rocks below will be the inevitable solution. A final act in which I can actually succeed… the only goal I will ever achieve. It would always end like this; I knew it as a child, before I even understood what the dark cloud was.

I look back. The orange glow discourages me, a sure promise of warmth and human connection. A broken promise. How many times must I climb the stairway of hope, only to be pushed off at the top? Just one last fall to go… the gateway to peace… the only place to escape myself. I close my eyes, spread my arms and fall forward…

The dark cloud clears. My eyes snap open to be welcomed by a flaming moon sitting upon the horizon, radiating a blood-red brilliance over the scene. The forest backdrop is blazing, no longer is the mansions glow visible, dwarfed by that of this magnificent lunar body. A breeze picks up, blowing my hair back and sailing through the startled fire-leaves beyond. The inferno waves below pick up with increased frequency, carrying messages of warmth and light. The void is no longer, the presence of the lonely lighthouse acknowledged.

I look to the distance as the dark cloud fades over the horizon revealing my true self in all its glory. With this revelation come waves of gratitude and peace, the beauty of the world raw with the promise of things to come. I hear the dark cloud thunder afar, threatening to return. And it will… in time. For now the beauty of nature engulfs the present; a moment missed by those sheltered in the false safety of the ornate ceiling.

All feedback is encouraged, thank you for reading.

Contaminated Water Sources – World Wide Fracking

I used to think the whole “Stop CSG” and “Stop fracking” campaigns were simply campaigns that groups of “hippies” launched to complain about something without having all the facts. How wrong I was. Wikipedia defines fracking as the following: “Fracking, or hydraulic fracturing, is the process of extracting natural gas from shale rock layers deep within the earth. Fracking makes it possible to produce natural gas extraction in shale plays that were once unreachable with conventional technologies.” Seems harmless enough right? Even more so when you consider that the governments of affected countries seem to defend the act, claiming that there is no need to worry. I can tell you that the world should be very VERY worried.

First let’s explore the benefits of fracking. It pumps money into communities which greatly need an improvement in quality of life, governments and business can make huge profits off it, but more importantly this technology offers us a way to access natural gas for large scale energy production.

Now for the bad. Fracking is linked to groundwater contamination, increase in earthquake activity, large amounts of water wastage (1-8 million gallons per job), over 6000 chemicals being injected into the ground, and a whole host of health risks. For the purpose of this article let’s ignore that in the US alone 72 trillion gallons of water and 360 billion gallons of chemicals are used for fracking. Let’s ignore the countless university studies that have proved the negative effects of fracking. Let’s ignore the many people who have sensory, neurological, and respiratory damage due to the effects of fracking. Let’s ignore the fact that the billionaire founder of fracking, George Phydias Mitchell, has openly opposed the extensive unsafe fracking methods which are being adopted worldwide. My primary worry though, and something we should all be concerned about is the availability of water.

US Fracking Map

US Fracking Map: Credit to EarthJustice Online

Water is a scarce resource as it is, overpopulation is only adding to that. Can we really afford to be contaminating natural water sources in the name of profit? We already have the technology to implement renewable energy solutions to generate electricity worldwide, yet we insist on using this dangerous and unnatural practice to meet our energy needs. You may think fracking just utilizes a few water sources, and hardly puts a dent in fresh water availability, think again. Some governments have seen the damage of mining coal seam gas and are in the process of banning it, these countries include Bulgaria, Germany, France, and Ireland. The governments that support fracking are as follows: Australia, Canada, China, Denmark, Netherlands, New Zealand, Poland, Romania, Africa, United States, and many others. The outlook is that fracking will expand more so. Why do so many countries allow this despite the obvious risks? Profit. A concept which apparently is more important than the very resources we need to survive.

World Wide Fracking Map: Credit to

World Wide Fracking Map: Credit to

Don’t be comforted in the fact that so many countries are partaking in this, it simply demonstrates how widespread this problem is. These contaminated water sources cannot be replaced. Any water which is collected in these underground water networks in the future is not usable. All water sources including rivers, lakes, creeks, dams can also be contaminated, this not only affects people but wildlife.  If this continues, these greedy governments will have to spend more than this short-term profit to develop imperfect water collection systems when our natural ground water supplies and rivers fail us. The extent of fracking is so great that residents all over the world can literally light their tap water on fire; their drinking and washing water has become flammable.

Flammable Tap Water: Credit to

Flammable Tap Water: Credit to

In most cases residents are not able to take any action against these mining companies, they are too powerful especially with the support of federal governments. They have no say in whether their property is used for fracking purposes, and they receive no reimbursement when the very water they rely on becomes contaminated. Oil has demonstrated what happens when a resource becomes scarce; wars are fought, prices skyrocket, and accessibility becomes low. Unlike oil though, there is no alternative to water, once it’s gone that’s it. So who will you blame when you can’t afford water, or your house water is so contaminated you cannot drink or bathe in it? The answer is, nobody. These private mining companies will be long gone, and governments can simply blame past governments. The harsh reality is that nobody will be held accountable, and you won’t have access to water. Is this short term profit worth poverty and war? We look at thirsty, sick, and poverty-stricken people from developing countries with ignorance, but the same fate will soon be on our door steps. Enjoy your clean water while you can.

The Journey Begins

Many would consider me a dreamer. This is because I wholeheartedly believe that the world can be a more beautiful and peaceful place, and it is completely possible on both small and large scale. I recently told a friend about an idea I had for an organization which gathered together all individuals and companies who are dedicating their time and effort to making the world a better place. This includes people working to make an impact in poverty, access to fresh water, waste management, pollution, overpopulation, biodiversity, deforestation, war, renewable energy, resource depletion, sustainable farming and many many more issues. If they could all be gathered together in one organization, under one banner, with shared resources, knowledge, ideas, manpower, and motivation it would have a huge impact on the world as we know it through solving these problems (which by the way do have solutions). As it stands the people who work to address these issues are just individuals with an individual voice, this voice is easily drowned out by the need for global profit and power. Solutions to these problems aren’t generally profitable, which is why the world leaders aren’t doing everything they can to solve them. And if world leaders aren’t doing what needs to be done to fix the rapidly worsening world we are in, then who will? An organization like this needs to rise above and care not for profit and power, but for peace and well-being for all. The friend in question dismissed it as impossible.

These are issues which affect all of us globally, and if you happen to be fortunate enough to be in a situation where you feel no impact from these, it will be short lived. We are rapidly consuming the very Earth we live on at an exponential rate with no regard for the future of it. We’re at a stage where looking after the environment and looking after each other on a large scale is the responsibility of a minority, rather than majority. We’re in a world where the value of money outweighs the value of the very Earth we live on, and may I remind everybody that money is a man-made concept.

There have been groups, hundreds of thousands strong, who have dedicated their existence to spreading war, and death, and hate. We see it everyday. Example, ISIS is an organization which took the world by storm, and is causing horrific impact on a global scale. There are governments who’s job it is to look after the nation and the world who care only for profit, control, and repression. We see so many organizations which successfully spread terror around the world. Why is it so hard to contemplate an organization that is equally successful at making the world a better place?

We’re in an amazing time where science, technology, social media, and people can all be used to fix problems which threaten the human race. Yet instead these tools are mostly used for unnecessary conveniences. I’m sure we can all agree that the money and power in the world is wielded by a very small group of individuals and world leaders. Let’s say tomorrow all these people suddenly cared not for money, but genuinely wanted to make the world better and solve the problems we face with their infinite resources and power. Obviously this would bring about massive positive change throughout the world. Unfortunately this isn’t going to happen.

In saying that, people all over the world are starting to realize that we are the power. Protests to overthrow corrupt governments aren’t uncommon. So why is it impossible for a large number of people to form together on a global scale and turn the world into what we want it to truly be? It’s becoming the case that governments are no longer representing the wants of the people. Anybody reading this can look at their own government and see this.
Something needs to change on a global scale, or the path we are going down as a global nation will be a short and unhappy one. We need to bring together all people and all organizations who want to make a positive difference together, and let that become a power in itself. It’s not impossible, and it needs to happen. It is for this very reason that I have started this blog. A very small step in the big scheme of things, but hopefully a launching pad for the journey in which I am taking to make this a reality. I will share my knowledge, ideas, and progress on this page and hopefully help more people to realize that the world needs a big change, and we can all be part of that.